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[Feb. 8th, 2006|03:41 pm] |
1st of the Summer, 4th Half Solar Day, 50th year of Homura
Dear Diary,
I feel light headed right now. Maybe it’s the heat, but I do not think that is why.
It’s like I don’t know where I am, or where I’m going, or what in the world is going to happen.
Not like everyone else, who seem like they’re going for what they want and working for it.
Chise is going to become a doctor, she’s already apprenticing under her aunt who works at the clinic up town. She’s patient, has a good memory, and skillful hands. Physician Goru has also given her full use of his facilities when he saw what she was capable of. I have no doubt that she’ll do well. She is a genius.
Peng-peng, who is nearly two months younger than I am, is getting even stronger and more determined to become the best student of Master Zaimi. She wakes up before dawn just to finish her chores early and runs to the training grounds to practice her sets. The other day, when we were on a expository trip to the boys’ brigade, she was able to take down Pupil Yuji, who they said, was one of the strongest and fiercest students of Master Wuo.
Not like me, I’m very weak in comparison.
Narita, who is sixteen, and is very fair and beautiful and dresses herself in the most beautiful of rose deep gowns has just been wed to Tatsu, a fine soldier in the army who comes from a distinguished lineage of honored generals. Narita has managed to finally bring her family’s name some amount of dignity, she is so happy and proud now, she tells me. She loves Tatsu so much, and she promises to look after and guard his household well, while he is fulfilling his service.
But me? What am I doing?
I am basically doing nothing. It will be only one more year until I turn twelve, and I haven’t even gotten ready for advanced training like the others in the brigade.
This will be the third time this month that I have skipped weekly sparring matches.
I ran away again and hid in the thicket next to the river and played my flute until I got tired and fell asleep
I am lazy.
I went home and lied to Grandmother that I had gone to the match and finished by then.
But I’m a terrible liar. Grandmother could tell I wasn’t telling the truth, but she didn’t say anything and merely smiled and just told me to sit down and have some of the spicy soup she made for me.
I hate myself.
-Rei |
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