Current mood:

irritated

4th of the Summer, 8th full Solar Day, 50th year of Homura



Satomi and I were walking home from training down the and we started talking about Mimiko.

"Eh, Mimiko was so good at performing her shifting closed sets today, wasn't she." Satomi said.

"Yeah, she's really good." I answered.

Mimiko, is another girl in our training squad.

She isn't very good at endurance training, in fact she's worse than I am. Which is surprising, but she gets away with it, since Master Zaimi finds her "charming".

But she excels greatly at shifting sets, and it's amazing when she does them, in fact, she is quite famous at our brigade for that.

Mimiko is cheery like Satomi and is very kind and openly warm-hearted to everyone and makes lots of friends, but...

...often does things without thinking and sometimes she'll squeal on and on about silly-headed things, and it can get quite tiring.

Irritating even.

Especially since she doesn't seem to be sensitive that way.

I especially don't like when she talks loudly about subjects that bother me immensely.

Like the lewd practices of Goro-goro jesters, Shao Byok firebenders...distgusting.

Yet people (especially her friends) laugh about it like its nothing.

She prattles on about them so much that I hate myself for bothering to listen in the first place. Obviously I wasn't the only one. When one person told her to be quiet, she started wailing loudly and her friends pushed that person away.

Wow.

Also, Like me, she also plays rurui on the flute. (or sort of tries to)

Rurui is something special only to me, an artform of delicate nature and something that I don't often share with other people, something that I'll do alone, but when I do, it makes me happy when they tell me how precise, sad and beautiful my playing is, and unlike with other things, that's something that I can believe and be proud of when they tell me that, because I know inside of me what it takes to create such music delicately and with skill, as I've learned and have been taught.

"Have you ever considered being a professional musician, Rei?" Narita once told me. "You have great skill, not often do people have that sort of skill in that instrument."

"Uhhhh, perhaps, I love playing, but I haven't played around large groups of people before." I said.

"Just keep at it, you're becoming more amazing with it."

So I did.

But one afternoon, I saw Mimiko skipping around playing Rurui in a shrilly piping song, making her circle of friends around her laugh and clap.

"You're soooo good at it, I wish I could play rurui!" Her friend Nao chirped

"I know! How did you get so good?" Sundara asked

"Oh thanks you guys. It isn't that good. You're making me blush! It's just a silly little song I tried out" Mimiko giggled.

True the song was cute, but...for some reason I didn't think it was that good. It was crude, jerky, somewhat lacking in basic melody, and I will even go as far to say that it resembled mock playing, which she she herself admited that it was.

Later, I was playing my own Rurui in the thicket with Satomi, and there comes Mimiko, who had been walking home.

"THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL! It reminds me of the songs that they play in the eastern regions, I don't usually like those type of gypsy songs, but yours are just carry the melody so well!" Mimiko said, genuinely amazed.

"oh, thank you, I play these a lot though." I answered, trying to smile.

"Keep playing! Your songs are so lovely, I'm learning to play too and it's an inspiration to me!"

The next day at school, I hear a notes coming from the other end of the hall and many giggles.

It's Mimiko and she's there, playing another type of rurui, but it isn't the silly kind she had usually played.

It wasn't the exact song, but I could almost sense...

she was trying to play the type of sad song that I play

So many of the girls came and told her how gorgeous, sad and beautiful her playing was.

I myself listened and waited to be amazed, 'maybe she really is quite good', I thought.

But as I listened more closely, I realized, her playing really did not carry that much weight.

Yet the other girls continued to praise her.

That bothered me immensely.

But maybe...

It wasn't just because I didn't like her, and she annoyed me.

I mean Peng-Peng also plays rurui in an equally crude yet confident way, but even I know that she has some better skill. Or...perhaps it's because I personally do not feel the same irritability towards Peng-peng as I do with Mimiko?

No one else seems to be bothered by Mimiko though, not even Satomi, after all, Mimiko is quite popular and I don't really think she means to bother anyone intentionally, I don't sense that kind of nature in her, I don't know

But when she acts showy like that, everyone thinks of her kindly and excuses her for it.

...

When did I become such an easily threatened and irritable person?

Am I really that weak? So what if she tries to toot some music and people tell her it's pretty?
Shouldn't I know well enough of how good I am in my own music and have faith in myself without having to get annoyed with someone who shouldn't have to bother me? Someone who hasn't even done anything to me?

Perhaps deep inside I am just being jealous, of how everyone treats her well, and how she is able to make people smile so easily.

Here I am, thinking unkind thoughts about someone who really doesn't have the intention to be directly unkind to me.

My grandmother often quotes an old proverb from Empress Shizumi

"U-ki wa, kokoro ni ari.

Joy and sorrow exist only in the mind."

I am creating my own sorrow and anger within myself, no one is giving it to me.

Not even Mimiko

But I still do not like her.
There's something about her that bothers me, something that I'm not sure is quite right.

Or maybe I'm just being overly-sensitive again.